We have all been in a situation where we ended up doing somethign we didnt want to do, and later blamed it on peer pressure.
For me that ended
It was in the winter of 2023. A chilly evening. A couple of friends and I had gathered at a colleague’s backyard.
These were old classmates from my master’s program, their partners, and a few acquaintances. I went solo.
We had just finished eating and then stepped out to the backyard to enjoy some s’mores. An open fire insulated us from the evening’s chill. Music played in the background as we caught up and cracked jokes about everything and everyone.
As the evening rolls by, the host’s wife gets up and comes back with a bottle of Casamigos, a tequila brand.
“Who wants some shots!”
Rings of “Hell yea!” “Absolutely!” “Why would you even ask?” filled the air.
You would think she had returned with a bag full of dollar bills.
The night was about to be lit.
Now I personally never really cared for alcohol, but I am not a party pooper either. I will have red wine or a beer here and there. You know, something light.
But definitely not tequila. Nothing personal. I just have very low tolerance.
She passes around those red disposable shot cups and pours out shots for everyone.
When it got to my turn, I declined.
I let them know I had something to do early the next morning.
By the way, I have since learned that a more effective excuse is to say you are taking a specific medication that absolutely forbids alcohol consumption. Works every time.
But I digress.
I might as well had shit my pants. Because the mood immediately went flat as the entire group stared at me, each taking turns to voice their disappointment. Humorously ofcourse.
“Francis come on, have a shot.”
“What’s one shot going to do?”
You know, stuff like that.
I didn’t budge. Not yet.
Somewhere in the midst of all that quipping and musing, all of a sudden the host’s wife, (who is a high ranking professor at my alma mater leads a chorus.
“Shots, shots, shot shot shot shot shot shot shot shot shot!”
Everybody else chimes in.
Next thing you know, I am like,
“What the hell.”
Then I picked up a shot cup and motion for her to pour me a shot.
Bottoms up… It burns.
After that round came another round. I ended up having three shots before calling it quits.
Few minutes later and I am starting to feel the drink. Screw you low tolerance.
A few more minutes pass by and I am slouched in my chair, head tucked in my hands.
The host’s wife glances at me and says, sheepishly,
“Francis, Are you okay?”
I replied, “What do you think?”
“I don’t know, you only had like two shots. You are acting like you had a whole bottle.”
I said “Well clearly that’s two more than I should have had”
But thanks to peer pressure.
I swear the smile vanished from her face instantly, and then she said,
“Well, nobody forced you. You chose to take the shot.”
I was befuddled. And a little upset.
Because…
She was right.
Yes they talked. Yes they taunted. And yes they tried to influence me.
But guess who made the decision to take those shot?
Me.
I couldn’t stand my ground on what I really wanted. But somehow I had cast the blame on external forces.
This was an AHA moment for me. A grand epiphany.
We are raised to believe that there is such a thing as peer pressure, when what’s really at play is our need to belong, a yearning to be liked.
That incidence stuck with me for a few weeks… In the end I became a free man.
Free from the fear of disappointing others, Free to play by my rules.
Most importantly it taught me to take accountability.
So… Next time you are about to bow to peer pressure on something you really don’t want to do, ask yourself this simple question.
“Do I really want to do this, or am I just afraid of disappointing someone else?”
If you are honest, the answer will resonate within you.